HH & Her Beans

I just want to sit down a chat with everyone for a few moments. No series, just me and all of you. I posted a few days ago that I will be signing off for AP season to study but as days goes by, I realized how screwed I am even if I study.

I literally failed (meaning I did not pass) two tests this week. One is a midterm which is basically a practice AP exam and the other was a history test that I studied for 15 minutes on the car. Yes I know, I know I should have studied longer, so let me tell you what I was doing the night before. I finished my HAND WRITTEN notes for class and the rest of homework (1 assignment but I'm a slow worker). I also slept 5 hours because we got out of school early but in my defense, I slept 3 hours the night before studying for my midterm. My "power naps" became "afternoon bedtimes".

At this point, I am out of energy to try anymore. My grades are slipping out of my hands faster than water and I'm losing control of everything. Don't even get me started on my math grade. There are only around 5-7 grades left to put in, and I'm only passing. If I don't get my GPA up, I can say goodbye to my first choice colleges. I know some of my readers are from other countries and your academic life is probably worse than mine yet I'm still struggling. What makes the situation even worse is that my super nerd friends (they are the most genius, genuine, amazing students that's why I call them super nerds because they have magic powers to get good grades and be in so many extracirriculars all at the same time) all got into a team for next year. I tried out for both and didn't make any.

Yay for how much I suck at life. This whole team thing is either you are really good at what you do or you're popular enough to use connections to get in. Well, I have neither. I learned to take rejection calmly but this is too much. I don't know why I'm always so bitter and negative but sorry if I depressed you. Until next time, stay cool ma beans. 

Alrighty, MY GPA JUST DROPPED TO A 2.5 average. Am I in a state of panic?? Heck yes. Am I going to do something about it?? Heck yes!! I already emailed my teacher so hopefully, I'm praying that I will be okay... I swear because of high school I might become religious.

This was a video project where I have to post my video on YouTube and then share the link with her before 3:00 pm. SO THANK THE GPA GODS THAT THERE IS A SUCH THING CALLED A TIME STAMP. Literally if I did not have that time stamp, I would be sobbing because I would not have proof and basically I'm going to fail the class. I might be a bit dramatic since there are only three grades in there but dudes... The Asian logic is that even one grade matters in the whole picture. I will continue to update this post as the day goes by to see whether she is willing to give me points for the video or not.

YES THE NEXT TOPIC IS SADIES. For those of y'all in other countries, basically sadies is a dance where the girl asks the guy to the dance. So am I gonna ask someone? VERY VERYYYY slim chance. Like slimmer than Sehun's arms. You see, the guys that I like are either all in Korea (some might be on tours in other countries), across the country, too far away to drive here, or dating someone. Speaking of dating, I wanted to check out the guys at my first choice college... You know for potential dates and I did find this super cute guy, he's athletic and smart. TOTALLY MY TYPE... But then, I decided to scroll to past 77 weeks ago and then I liked that picture. Well, I'm now scarred for life... I'm paying the price for stalking... This is seriously a public service announcement because be really careful when stalking people on any form of social media. Until next time, stay cool ma beans. PS... Can y'all just casually pray for my grade right now?? Thanks... 

Your laptop have just been blessed...

YAY it is officially ten days before Christmas!!

I am seriously so happy that this is the first Christmas we are spending together. I know I haven't been active for the past two weeks and there is of course compensation plus PRESENTS for Christmas!!

So stay with me for the countdown to Christmas!! I literally just screamed Christmas four times... I think I'm a bit crazy after the tests this week. I had a HUSH test and math test yesterday... I failed both.... I got literally Bs and Cs on both of them. Then today I had my AP English "quest" (by the way teachers, this is not a thing... when you say that it is a "quest"... IT IS A TEST!! Why you gotta lie to meh??) don't worry... I failed that too... and we also had a APES test today which I got a 83%. I CANNOT!! This is a great way to end Christmas break and guess what... SAT scores are coming out the week of Christmas... AGAIN ANOTHER BREAK RUINER!!

I am completely checked out by now and I am all yours for the rest of the break so message me, email me, love me (JK that is not okay...), and just feel free to contact me!! I will be getting to emails very very soon but first I have to go and wrap all my presents. I am seriously so tired.. My sleeping schedule is so messed up, I take a nap until 6 every night and then I sleep at 2-3 in the morning until 5... Then I wake up again to study. Until next time stay cool ma beans. 

I don't feel like writing a WTF Wednesday because nothing is more WTF worthy than my attitude towards life. Here is the thing, I've had three test today and I believe I failed all three of them. You don't understand, I just raised my AP Environmental Science grade to a 91% and now because of this midterm (WHICH BY THE WAY IS NOT EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEMESTER) could possibly drop to what I call the "death zone"... 88-89%.

You know why it's the "death zone"?? It's because it is super hard for you to raise it up and super easy to drop this percentage to a point where you can no longer raise it. I have a 88% in AP English and I raised my grade from a 88% in APES into 91%. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH EFFORT THIS TOOK?? I think school should grade everyone based on the amount of effort they put into studying. For example, I suck at every single subject possible but I put in the work, so I should get an A. It. Is. Literally. That. Simple. Why am I getting a B+ when someone who does not even try gets A+s.

Excuse me for being pissy. I don't want to complain about my Honors U.S. History class but I think I have to. In that class, yes I do have a 97% BUT today on the test. I got 3/30 correct for the fill in the blank part. She wanted us. To. Know. The "popular" cities in EACH STATE!! HOW DO I KNOW WHICH CITIES YOU CONSIDER POPULAR?? I CANNOT READ YOUR MIND!! It's not like only I failed but the rest of the class did too. In addition (wow look at me using fancy transition words), she didn't even tell us about knowing all the rivers and monuments AND YET SHE TESTED IT!! Excuse me while I go stab myself multiple times with a blunt fork. I want to improve but I think I don't put in enough effort. Why do I not put in the effort when I could? Because with all honesty, I don't care. With my grades and SAT scores right this second, I could get into UCSD guaranteed so why should I try? "I should try just because" is no longer a good enough reason for me to try in school. People go to school to learn, I go to school because I have to. Until next time, stay cool ma beans. 

So this past Sunday was my awesome mommy's birthday!! We celebrated by going out to eat and then shopping until three in the afternoon. I am really grateful for having such a lenient parent in my life. I have changed my idea of what I want to major in numerous time and I joked around with her that I'm probably not going to get into college because of how horrible my grades are and yet she still believed in me. Most Asian parents would have probably planned out their children's life and did not allow any changes from that course so I'm glad that my mom is open minded. She literally works weekends and weekdays just to provide me with the materialistic things that I want. She is constantly pushing me so I can perform to the best of my abilities. Heck, she cares more about my sleeping schedule than the grades that I'm getting which is kind of a crazy concept for Asian parents. I am really grateful for having someone as inspiring as her in my life. No matter what happens, she is forever not only a parent to me but also a really good friend. It wasn't a crazy weekend but I wanted to show how much I appreciated my mom. Until next time, go give your mom a hug and stay cool ma beans. 

It's my Junior year of high school and this means that it is also a bunch of people's Junior year from all around the world. I used to be one of those people who cared about other people's grades and how they are performing in school.

So what is the purpose of high school? It is four years that is part of the passage to lead you to your dream job and your dream college and to explore what YOU are good at. So why was I trying to figure out what other people were good at? I decided to focus on my life and this year I am continuing with AP English because I enjoy writing. I might not major in it but it is something that I'm good at. I'm also not taking a Honors Math course because I know that I'm limited in math. EACH OF YOU can make the same decisions if you just took the time to think everything through. Breath and let's begin. 

Yes I am worried about college as much as everyone one of you. But realize that first: Junior year is the most crucial year of high school, there is already a lot of stress on you, so why are you trying to stress out even more by looking into the future?

You have a full year starting right this second before you have to even start thinking about applying to college, so don't even think that far ahead. It wouldn't help you in anyway but stress you out. Second: With the amount of time that you spent thinking about the future, you could be doing something productive to change it. Maybe you're like, "OMG I'M NEVER GOING TO GET INTO COLLEGE!!! AHHHHHH..."

Why don't you do something to change that thought? I know that it's hard to find something unique to do but don't go and find something that you aren't interested in. If you don't know what you can do to improve your school life, improve your social life, clean your room, do something productive. 
One thing that I took away from this summer is to think of the present and that we'll cross that bridge when it gets right in front of us. There is no use in competing because there are always someone who is better or talented than you in something, that's when you point to yourself and say, "I'm better than this person at ____ ." Just know that you are more skilled in someone at something, and that's enough. I know many talented people, people who are good at everything like ballet, piano, art, and school in general but because I was so competitive I used to think that I was better than everyone else. That's not okay to me, because really, everyone is good at something and you just have to find it.

Even if there might be others who are better than you, you might be a inspiration to someone. You might also be like, "WAIT BUT I DON'T HAVE A TALENT." WELLLLL.... It's time for you to find something that can take the stress away, that's what your talent is. 
What am I doing?
It's dumb to give advice and not following it, so I am trying to focus on the present and not stress out as much. Take things one step at a time and I'm trying not to ask my friends about their grades and what they're doing because that just stresses me out even more. Until next time, stay cool ma beans.