A Christmas Eve Message...

1:34 AM

Sometimes I just like to sit in the dark and think about a lot of things. I feel like my fingers can't catch up to the pace that my brain is going so I take the time to sort things out. 

Tomorrow I'm leaving on my family's annual road trip with a bunch of homework and new comeback music but I don't feel happy. I don't feel like this is the holiday seasons. It feels like any other school day where I sleep late and wake up early just to repeat the cycle all over again. I'm tired and I'm tired of trying to please my mother who will never get enough of how hard I'm trying. I'm tired of trying my hardest but to only face someone to is not satisfied with the results. I have a 4.00 GPA... Something that many people are dreaming of. I've won over twenty art competitions. I have a 3K fan base. I have a 2120 as my SAT score. Two college professors are writing my recommendation letters.

I am not happy because someone I care about is not satisfied with the things that I have. She's greedy and wants me to try harder. But what if. Just what if. I wanted a life. I want time to hang out with my friends. I want a holiday where I'm not studying for my four finals for AP class. I want a boyfriend. I want to travel by myself somewhere. I want to learn how to drive. I want to  openly watch TV without looking over my shoulder every time I hear footsteps. But I can't have any of those things because "my job is a student". I don't have a group of friends. I don't have social skills. I don't have life experiences. I don't have a normal sleeping schedule. I don't have a lot of things. But in one year, I will have all of that. I will get what I want and no one will be able to tell me what to do. You will not dictate my life. You will not determine the amount of "try" that I put into my life. I will find my happiness. I will determine what makes me happy. Here is my holiday message, what's yours?? Until next time, stay cool ma beans. 

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