annual

A Christmas Eve Message...

1:34 AM

Sometimes I just like to sit in the dark and think about a lot of things. I feel like my fingers can't catch up to the pace that my brain is going so I take the time to sort things out. 

Tomorrow I'm leaving on my family's annual road trip with a bunch of homework and new comeback music but I don't feel happy. I don't feel like this is the holiday seasons. It feels like any other school day where I sleep late and wake up early just to repeat the cycle all over again. I'm tired and I'm tired of trying to please my mother who will never get enough of how hard I'm trying. I'm tired of trying my hardest but to only face someone to is not satisfied with the results. I have a 4.00 GPA... Something that many people are dreaming of. I've won over twenty art competitions. I have a 3K fan base. I have a 2120 as my SAT score. Two college professors are writing my recommendation letters.

I am not happy because someone I care about is not satisfied with the things that I have. She's greedy and wants me to try harder. But what if. Just what if. I wanted a life. I want time to hang out with my friends. I want a holiday where I'm not studying for my four finals for AP class. I want a boyfriend. I want to travel by myself somewhere. I want to learn how to drive. I want to  openly watch TV without looking over my shoulder every time I hear footsteps. But I can't have any of those things because "my job is a student". I don't have a group of friends. I don't have social skills. I don't have life experiences. I don't have a normal sleeping schedule. I don't have a lot of things. But in one year, I will have all of that. I will get what I want and no one will be able to tell me what to do. You will not dictate my life. You will not determine the amount of "try" that I put into my life. I will find my happiness. I will determine what makes me happy. Here is my holiday message, what's yours?? Until next time, stay cool ma beans. 

Christmas

WTF Wednesday: RANT TIMEE!!

12:42 AM

We have not had one of these for a verrryyy long time, but BOOYYY DO I HAVE A RANT FOORRR YOUUUUU!! This is about SAT testing... So if you think this topic is boring please feel free to find the WTF Wednesday tag or explore my blog... LET'S CONTINUE WITH THIS!! Collegeboard is a "non-profit organization that connects students to college success and opportunities".

And by "non-profit" they mean: a charge for SAT testing, ACT testing, SAT II, review materials, score reports, AND score choice. AND by "college success and opportunities" they mean: you must take these tests or else you will not get into college and even if you get a high score you might not be guaranteed acceptance in the college you want to get into. I literally cannot stress how many of the "college search" emails I get every single day. On average in a week I literally get around 15-20 emails. BUT YOU CAN UNSUBSCIRBE!! I still want these opportunities... Maybe I might just go to Indiana University or University of Alaska. You know what else bothers me... THE FACT THAT THEY SEND OUT TEST SCORES DAYS BEFORE BIG HOLIDAYS!! I AM NOT EVEN TRYING TO FOOL YO!!
Me hitting my SAT scores... Or my prep books...
Whatever floats your goat...
The November SAT scores came out days before Thanksgiving DAY and the December SAT score CAME OUT TODAAAYYYYYYYYY!! What is today... Like two days before Christmas?? Do you Collegeboard people seriously want to ruin our lives like this?? Because of the score that was released today, my mother made me delete all forms of social media from my phone. THANK YOU SATAN!! I literally cannot... Do you want to know what my desk looks like??
SAT got me all worked up...
I have TWO SAT prep books on my desk at the moment and it is one in the morning here. Someone please tell College board that WE ARE ON VACATION!!! You know... Sometimes when I get angry enough... I start looking through the authors of who wrote the textbooks and wonder if their parents never got married then I would not be learning that thing right now... So who invented Collegeboard?? Which teacher decided, "HEY you know what's a great idea?? Not only charge kids for a national test they have to take but also ruin their lives by constantly changing the format of the test!!" THANK YOUUUU SAAAATTTANNNNNNNNN!! I am so done at this point with my life. I wonder how many people gave up at this point... Clap your hands if you don't care!! I hope we all survive this period of our lives. AMENNNNN. Until next time, stay cool ma beans!!
Don't get too worked up... I got angry so I looked up
Channie gifs... OOPS... #ShouldBeStudying

A Bean Xmas

A Bean Xmas: Day 10

9:00 AM

YAY it is officially ten days before Christmas!!

I am seriously so happy that this is the first Christmas we are spending together. I know I haven't been active for the past two weeks and there is of course compensation plus PRESENTS for Christmas!!
So stay with me for the countdown to Christmas!! I literally just screamed Christmas four times... I think I'm a bit crazy after the tests this week. I had a HUSH test and math test yesterday... I failed both.... I got literally Bs and Cs on both of them. Then today I had my AP English "quest" (by the way teachers, this is not a thing... when you say that it is a "quest"... IT IS A TEST!! Why you gotta lie to meh??) don't worry... I failed that too... and we also had a APES test today which I got a 83%. I CANNOT!! This is a great way to end Christmas break and guess what... SAT scores are coming out the week of Christmas... AGAIN ANOTHER BREAK RUINER!!
I am completely checked out by now and I am all yours for the rest of the break so message me, email me, love me (JK that is not okay...), and just feel free to contact me!! I will be getting to emails very very soon but first I have to go and wrap all my presents. I am seriously so tired.. My sleeping schedule is so messed up, I take a nap until 6 every night and then I sleep at 2-3 in the morning until 5... Then I wake up again to study. Until next time stay cool ma beans. 

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